Aries (March 21 – April 19): Your crush has been giving you mixed signals lately? Trust me Aries, they're not playing hard to get, they're just very bad at texting!
Taurus (April 20 – May 20): You know that person who always seems to be around when the drinks are flowing and the boys are hot? It might be time to consider a change of career.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20): Your libido has been on an adventure lately, haven't you? Just don't forget where you left your pants, Gemini!
Cancer (June 21 – July 22): You might be feeling a bit down today, Cancer. Remember, the best way to cheer yourself up is by spending some quality time with a really big dildo.
Leo (July 23 – August 22): Today's lucky number for you, Leo: three. As in, three-ways, threesomes, and other various types of menage à trois!
Virgo (August 23 – September 22): When it comes to your love life, sometimes less is more. Maybe consider trying out a monogamous relationship? Just kidding, Virgo!
Libra (September 23 – October 22): The stars say you're in for a wild night tonight. But remember, Libra: wild doesn't mean unsafe, so always practice safe sex!
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): A Scorpio never gets enough attention? Well, it's time to up your game, darling! Consider buying a mirror for all those selfies.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): You know that one guy who always makes you laugh and smile? He might be the love of your life, Sagittarius! Go find him!
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): When it comes to sex toys, Capricorn, you're a connoisseur. But maybe try something new today? How about a vibrating ring or a cock ring?
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): Today could be the day, Aquarius! You know that guy who always makes you smile and feel warm inside? Maybe it's time to ask him out.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20): You might feel like you need a break from your love life, Pisces. But remember, it's not a vacation if you don't enjoy it! Keep exploring and having fun!